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What do you do when your child no longer wants to learn?
I spoke with this family about child-led learning, and the need for decompression after living in a highly pressurized school environment. I suggested to the parents that they back off and wait. Sooner or later their child will want to go somewhere, do something, and will seek to learn. Times like these can try a parent's patience, and waiting can be excruciating. Waiting for what? For an intelligent child to stop wanting to not-learn. Not-learning is a phrase coined by Herbert Kohl in his essay, "I Won't Learn From You". Kohl cites several examples of people who spend a great deal of energy and intelligence fighting off learning. It is easy to understand Kohl's example of a person of color choosing to not-learn from a racist teacher. But it is harder to understand when a gifted child who has been placed in an environment for the gifted reacts in this same way. Education requires the student's trust. In my opinion, this teenager felt betrayed, and was not ready to trust his learning to anyone anymore. When education becomes all about test scores, competition and class rank, forcing young students to succumb to pressure, then perhaps a not-learning approach is justified. It takes great energy, will, and focus to not-learn, and we are all capable of this when faced with the right circumstances. Kohl shares his personal experiences as an innovative and open-minded educator, and I always find him well worth reading. I send this troubled teen and his family my best wishes and hopes. Recently I heard that he had started reading his favorite genre again, science fiction. Surely this is a promise of more to come. I believe that one day this boy's passions will awaken and he will find his true place, learning — and perhaps even teaching — in this great, wonderful world. See also Ten Reasons Why Self-directed, Child-led Learning Works (article by Laurie Block Spigal) |
One family that recently sought my advice asked me this question. Their teenager had suddenly left a school for gifted overachievers. The loss of this school saddened the parents, but they were more alarmed when their son decided he didn't want to do anything anymore. He just stayed in his room.